Brand NEW! Sort of (ish)

I got a new computer today, saved up for ages and spent all of my savings

And already it’s out of date!

Yay!

Drive that car off the forecourt and it’ll cost you £10k.

Expensive trip right?

Well you’ve signed up for that quick devaluation now

I can see it there in black and white and

The small print box is definitely checked otherwise you can't get past the gate.

How about the latest tech? Right here M’am, Sir.

Come see and try

You will buy It’s hot off the press

Release date 13th November.

Form an orderly queue, you can camp out if you like, no free tea or snacks tho

We’re big, we’re powerful but we won’t lure you and try and keep you in with the hot drink con movement. But avoiding taxes, yes.

Loopholes always welcome.

Tell your friends you were the first to get it, that’s why you’re here isn’t it?

Then you sold it on eBay but still you were the first, so you won! Won what?

Dunno but I won.

Plus you made a few quid.

Competitors ready!

Take it apart to see our brains and our ingenuity laid out in pieces before you

For the world to devour

Then replicate

Do I see a white label?

I’ll tell you a secret.

This is old - we’re already way ahead but we’ll keep drip feeding you like some needy animal

Who can’t leave the carcass alone.

Take it home now it’s expensive but it’s worth it

Payment plan? Sure, quick credit check then sign away.

Another DD to worry about every day.

And after a week we’ll prompt you to update

Now you’ve bought it, it’s out of date.

Old technology in a shiny new box for you to soak up, sucker.

But hey, we know that and so do you

But still, we keep drawing you back.

Now you've got to upgrade against spyware and killer viruses,

Otherwise you won’t have your essential security wingman.

And your whole life will implode if he doesn't protect you.

Now, that's an extra

£10 a month please - actually I’ll reduce it to £9.99 cos you’re loyal and I’m generous

And I care for your digital progression and continuance

And footprint when you're dead and no one can get in.

Install and download, again, Sorry we have some more bugs to fix,

Or else we're spying on you. Jokes!

Can you oblige.

I know you will.

Hi-Tech!

Because you need us, and it's all got very sticky in here now.

Smart ass trappy phone

Luring us in, making us stupid

Stopping us all doing things we should be doing, instead

Navel gazing at picture perfect filters covering up the real life shit.

Oh look, it's back to bricks and silly phones

Lumbersome,

Cumbersome but

Digital detox facilitators,

The brain can rest with inconnectivity

Oh so trendy now.

The quiet

She's come around the mountain again

Wearing red pyjamas as she comes

It's flashing but it's off

I think?

Singing ay yi yippee

yipeeee yi

Bye Tech