I got a new computer today, saved up for ages and spent all of my savings
And already it’s out of date!
Drive that car off the forecourt and it’ll cost you £10k.
Expensive trip right?
Well you’ve signed up for that quick devaluation now
I can see it there in black and white and
The small print box is definitely checked otherwise you can't get past the gate.
How about the latest tech? Right here M’am, Sir.
Come see and try
You will buy
It’s hot off the press
Release date 13th November.
Form an orderly queue, you can camp out if you like, no free tea or snacks tho
We’re big, we’re powerful but we won’t lure you and try and keep you in with the hot drink con movement.
But avoiding taxes, yes.
Loopholes always welcome.
Tell your friends you were the first to get it, that’s why you’re here isn’t it?
Then you sold it on eBay but still you were the first, so you won! Won what?
Dunno but I won.
Plus you made a few quid.
Take it apart to see our brains and our ingenuity laid out in pieces before you
For the world to devour
Do I see a white label?
I’ll tell you a secret.
This is old - we’re already way ahead but we’ll keep drip feeding you like some needy animal
Who can’t leave the carcass alone.
Take it home now it’s expensive but it’s worth it
Payment plan? Sure, quick credit check then sign away.
Another DD to worry about every day.
And after a week we’ll prompt you to update
Now you’ve bought it, it’s out of date.
Old technology in a shiny new box for you to soak up, sucker.
But hey, we know that and so do you
But still, we keep drawing you back.
Now you've got to upgrade against spyware and killer viruses,
Otherwise you won’t have your essential security wingman.
And your whole life will implode if he doesn't protect you.
Now, that's an extra
£10 a month please - actually I’ll reduce it to £9.99 cos you’re loyal and I’m generous
And I care for your digital progression and continuance
And footprint when you're dead and no one can get in.
Install and download, again,
Sorry we have some more bugs to fix,
Or else we're spying on you. Jokes!
Can you oblige.
I know you will.
Because you need us, and it's all got very sticky in here now.
Smart ass trappy phone
Luring us in, making us stupid
Stopping us all doing things we should be doing, instead
Navel gazing at picture perfect filters covering up the real life shit.
Oh look, it's back to bricks and silly phones
Digital detox facilitators,
The brain can rest with inconnectivity
Oh so trendy now.
She's come around the mountain again
Wearing red pyjamas as she comes
It's flashing but it's off
Singing ay yi yippee